Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.