i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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