We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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