Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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