I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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