Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
