i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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