He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
