He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
