i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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