This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
