I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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