the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
