even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
