pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
