Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
