I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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