Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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