I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
