Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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