watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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