You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
