oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
