Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
