How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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