No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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