I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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