I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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