Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize