I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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