You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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