just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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