there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
