So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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