hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
