I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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