there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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