watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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