69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Everything about him screamed your future.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
