Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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