The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
