Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
