I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
