Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize