it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
