While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
