he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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