even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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