Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
