o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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