I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
