How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
