How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
