just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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