is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
