dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
