Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
