if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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