hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
