I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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