Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
