dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So much rum. So many feels.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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