you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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