I hope mine doesn't look like that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
