my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
