erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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