you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
