she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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