this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
