My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
