Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
