is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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