from now on my penis is your penis
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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