she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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