I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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