Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
