So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
