You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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